Ten Minute Play--Final Draft

Roger and Ashburn


ASHBURN, SOPHIE, and WALLIS (all three of them are cops) along with a group of about five or six police officers stand hidden around the side of a building, occasionally peering around the corner of the building to look at the trashed and deserted street.


SOPHIE
[Looking around the corner of the building]
Are you sure he’ll come?

ASHBURN
I’ve seen him walk down this street everyday for the past week—chill, he’ll come. We still got four minutes until he should arrive.

SOPHIE
But what if he decides to take a different way home today?

ASHBURN
[Gives SOPHIE a stern look.]

SOPHIE
Fine, but let’s just go through the procedure one more time, okay? So, what’s your story?

ASHBURN
Alright, so I’ll go sit on the corner of the street disguised as a drunken, homeless bum—a drunken ex-CIA agent bum that is. Then, when he comes down the street, I’ll convince him to come over.

SOPHIE
Why a drunk ex-CIA agent? That is so random!

ASHBURN
I don’t know, it just sounds so much more…tragic!

SOPHIE
Okay, whatever. So how will you get him to come over?

ASHBURN
I’ll ask him to paint me, and if he doesn’t do that, I’ll start cussing him out and even attack him if I must. Once I’ve gotten him to come over and he’s over and distracted, I’ll grab his sketchbook and you guys will move in.

SOPHIE
Yes, make sure to get the sketchbook. It has all his plans and diaries about the murders in there. It’s going be the key evidence in the trial.

ASHBURN
Yeah, I know.

SOPHIE
[Smiles mischievously]
That scum bag is so going down for murder today! We’ve been chasing him around long enough—following his stupid clues all over the county!

ASHBURN
Yep, today’s the day. How much time do I have?

WALLIS
One minute till he comes, Ashburn.

SOPHIE
[Straightens ASHBURN’S ragged coat]
Okay, well you better go—oh wait! Where’s your props?

[RANDOM POLICE OFFICER hands a bottle of beer to SOPHIE]

SOPHIE
[Looks at beer bottle, jokes]
Hey, who opened this and took a drink?—you know we’re not supposed to drink while on duty!

[Group of police officers chuckle.]

SOPHIE
[Hands beer bottle to ASHBURN.]
Here and good luck!

ASHBURN
[Gives SOPHIE a peck on the cheek]
Thanks honey cakes!

WALLIS
[Moans]
Seriously?

ASHBURN
[Ignores WALLIS]
Okay, gotta go.

[ASHBURN leaves the group of police officers and walks onto the street and sits down on the curb. Just coming into view from around the corner (or offstage) is ROGER along with an armful of art supplies. ROGER comes closer to ASHBURN and looks disgusted but also a little worried for his safety at the sight of a drunken homeless person.]

ASHBURN
[Squinting up at ROGER, speaks in a drunken tone.]
What chu looking at fool? Never seen a man down on his luck?

ROGER
[Alarmed]
I…uh…um… nothing…?

ASHBURN
[Takes a swig of beer.]
You what I think? You should come down here and paint a picture of me so yous knows what it’s like to be down on yous luck and to look into the face of a man who has nothing!

ROGER
[Readjusting his art utensils in his arm and trying to edge away from ASHBURN, concerned.]
Ah…I’m sorry, I just really don’t have the time…I gotta go, sorry, but I really do.

ASHBURN
[Getting up and starting towards ROGER]
Justa quick one! A quick painting! That’s all I ask for!

ROGER
[Puts up his hands]
Okay okay! I will! Just calm down!

[ASHBURN sits down and pretends take another sip of beer]

ROGER
[Starts to set up his easel and art supplies in front of ASHBURN]
I guess I could paint you… I mean, I’m an artist and I was looking for inspiration for my next art piece and when I saw you, I just thought ‘wow, now there’s a story that speaks’—but I didn’t want to paint you without your permission but then you just kind of freaked out on me... [Mumbles on]

ASHBURN
[Sarcastic]
Really? You think that an old drunk ex-CIA agent is worth painting?

ROGER
Yeah. You know, you got a story that just speaks—that tells of hard times.

ASHBURN
[Looks confused]
So you say I gots a face that speaks?

ROGER

[Nods]

ASHBURN
Always wanted to be painted... So do I get some of dat money—or at least half your earning when you make it big on dat painting of me?

ROGER
[Chuckles]
Well, I doubt I will ever make it big—or if I do, I won’t be alive to see it—but sure, maybe I will.

ASHBURN

[Seems to consider ROGER’S words]
Now dat’s real nice.

[ROGER paints in silence for a while and ASHBURN pretends to slip his beer]

ROGER
So you’re an ex-CIA agent did you say?

ASHBURN
Yeah…

ROGER
You’re not anymore? What happened?—you look too young to have retired.

ASHBURN
[Looks over to SOPHIE who is peeking around the corner, mouths ‘what do I tell him?’]

SOPHIE
[Mouths back ‘I don’t know, just make something up!’]

ASHBURN
[Looks off into the distance, preparing himself to tell an epic tale]
Well...once upon a time…when I was just a young man, I was working in the CIA. Then one day as I did my usual work—no I’m not telling you what really goes on in the CIA—I saw the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on. Her hair was a deep chestnut brown and her skin smooth as the petals of a white rose.

ROGER
[Watches as ASHBURN’S eyes get glassy with tears]
What was her name?

ASHBURN
Her name was Sophie and she could figure a code out in five minutes while you hadn’t even started because you were too busy staring into her doe-like brown eyes. Of course, fool that I am, I fell in love with her, but then I got sent on a mission to Paris—no I ain’t telling you what that mission was!—and I didn’t see her for a very long time.

ROGER
How was Paris? What was it like?

ASHBURN
Lonely—because I missed Sophie. I planned to propose to her once I got back to the States.

ROGER
Did you?—propose to her I mean?

ASHBURN
Now hold on! So I was in Paris, and my dear Sophie decides to surprise me by coming to visit. Well, she saw me talking to a lady co-worker and thinks something is going on between us. So she screams at me, calls me names, throws caviar in my face and leaves!

ROGER
So she just left? She didn’t give you time to explain?

ASHBURN
Nope. She just left.

ROGER
So you never got the chance to propose?

ASHBURN
Nope. And I was so thorn up I couldn’t concentrate on my work anymore—plus, I knew once I got back to the U.S. again, I wouldn’t be able to handle going to work and seeing Sophie there again. So I quit.

ROGER
I’m sorry. How long ago was this?

ASHBURN
Two years.

ROGER
That’s bad a turn of luck man.

ASHBURN
But you know what? It’s okay now—because you have found me and you will make me millions off your painting of me. It will be called “A…A…
[Raises he beer bottle in excitement for naming his painting]
“A painting of a Heart Broken Drunk Ex-CIA Agent!”

ROGER
[Trying not to dampen ASHBURN’S excitement]
Wow. That’s really great.

ASHBURN
Perfection…


ROGER
That it is.

ASHBURN
So what’s your story, Mr. Starving Artist?

ROGER
Oh just the usual story. I want to become an artist, my parents don’t support me. I go on my own; I fail at making a living. So here I am painting ex-CIA Agents.

ASHBURN
You mean you’ve painted other ex-CIA agents? I’m not the first one?

[Looks disappointed]

ROGER
No no no no! You are the first ex-CIA agent I’ve ever painted.

ASHBURN
Well, good. I was kinda worried there—didn’t know how many ex-CIA agents there were trying to steal my opportunities to get painted and make fortunes!
[Points at a sketch book at ROGER’S side]
Could I take a looksie at your sketch book?

ROGER
[Snaps]
Sit still.

ASHBURN
Can’t I just see your sketch book?

ROGER
No, you’re a homeless bum! If I let you see it, you’re just gonna run off with it!

ASHBURN
Just let me see it man!

ROGER
I’m sorry; I can’t let you see it.

ASHBURN
[Lunges for the book and grabs it, rolling away from ROGER with the sketch book in hand. Getting a safe distance away, he stands up and whistles]

ROGER
[Snaps]
Sit down! What are you doing?

[The police officers come running out and surround ROGER and ASHBURN]

ASHBURN
[Losses drunken slur]
I’m not really a homeless drunk ex-CIA agent, I’m been trying to catch your worthless butt for awhile now. Boys, I got him.

ROGER
[Paints sloppily]
What the hell is going on? What the hell is this?

ASHBURN
You’re under arrest for the murder of ten people. You have the right to remain silent.

ROGER
[Yells]
I didn’t kill nobody!

RANDOM COP
We’ll remember you said that mister.
[Pulls ROGER up from his painting.]
Back up to the building. Put your hands up!

WALLIS
They’re playing my song! The butterflies fly away, nodding my head like—

ASHBURN
Shut Wallis!

WALLIS
Yeah…

[SOPHIE makes her way through the crowd of officers]

SOPHIE
[Takes sketch book from ASHBURN]
Well done, Ashburn—and very touching story.

ASHBURN
Pretty good story for being made on the spot.

WALLIS
[Sarcastic]
I cried.

[ROGER gets handcuffed by a cop.]

WALLIS
[Walks over to the painting of ASHBURN, sarcastically]
That’s a nice painting of you Ashburn. I think we should keep it in the office

[The group of cops all move to stand behind ROGER’S painting.]

ASHBURN

[Leans into painting to get a closer look at the painting.]
Shut up.

WALLIS
No, it’s really nice.

[The painting is hastily done and not much better than a stick drawing or something done by a first-grader]

ASHBURN
[Walks away from the painting]
Alright, let’s put this loser away!

SOPHIE
[Standing off to the side and flipping through the pages of ROGER’S sketchbook.]
Wait, look. Roger isn’t the one who murdered all those people— he’s been framed or else he was only an accomplice.

[Everyone—except ROGER—focuses their attention of the sketchbook and WALLIS starts to slowly and discreetly creep away.]

ASHBURN
What do you mean? How do you know?

SOPHIE
We thought we were tracking Roger the whole time and that this book was his plans,but these are instructions to Roger from someone else.

ASHBURN
What!?
[Snatches sketchbook and waves it in ROGER’S face, yelling]
Is what she said true!?

ROGER
[Nods]

SOPHIE
[Calmly walks over to ASHBURN and takes the sketchbook back, starting to flip through the pages again]
Wait, all the signatures under the instructions say The Walrus—like some kind of code name.

ASHBURN
[Angrily grabs ROGER by the jacket and lifts him off the ground]
Who is The Walrus!?—do you know who he is!?

ROGER
[Nods slowly and points]

[ASHBURN and everyone else slowly turn to look where ROGER pointed, but no one is there]

SOPHIE
[Softly]
Who…?

ASHBURN
[Softly and slowly]
Wallis’s favorite song is “I am the Walrus” by the Beatles…

SOPHIE
And Wallis is… [Looks around] …not here.

ASHBURN
[Softly
“I am the Walrus” by the Beatles starts to play from an police officer’s walkie-talkie, starting out soft and slowly getting louder and louder. The officer takes the walkie-talkie off his belt and stares at it, curious.]


ASHBURN
[Shocked]
Wallis…wow. I can’t believe it.

SOPHIE
Looks like we have to go to Liverpool to catch him—that’s where the Beatles originated and this is probably his clue. He’s going there next.

ASHBURN
[Weakly]
Let’s do this.

[Songs and lights start to softly fade, getting quieter and darker till you can no longer hear the song or see the characters.]