Only then can I know you,
Melissa Morrison
I see a foggy and dewy morning,
a wall of liquid smoke.
The morning is cold like a spring snow
and the fog is unbreachable.
I know that once the sun rises,
clear over the horizon like
the sound of a rising bell,
that it will burn the fog off,
like a match to a gasoline glaze.
But until that veil of fog lifts,
I can’t see onto that stage
That stage where your story plays
unwinding, unfolding, being retold.
I can’t see you, I can’t see you.
So I will have to wait,
wait until I can meet you again,
Where the sun reaches its most golden point
and the moon seeks its most haunting voice.
Only then can I know you.
For now, I wish I could love you more.
--------------QUESTIONS-------------
1. Does my poem have a nice flow to it?
2. Is there anywhere i could improve it?
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1. It sort of does. I think it has some points where the flow is great, other times it's not. Try breaking up the lines, maybe?
ReplyDelete2. I think you should do more with the whole stage and story playing metaphor.
flow works, i agree with Shelby break the lines a little bit an the describing part maybe
ReplyDeleteThe first line kind of bothers me just because it has two words ending in y. It doesnt flow as nice. You could almost just take the word foggy out since you introduce fog often later on.
ReplyDeleteI also like this idea of a stage and I would suggest playing that up more as well. Maybe introduce your character and role in this story.
Oh heyyy, I like MUSE too. Neat,